Good for the Soul
by NuclearPoweredStick
Summary: Star confesses an old mistake to Marco, asking for his forgiveness. (One shot. Originally created for a 24 hour writing challenge with the theme of "release".)


'We need to talk.'

Marco stared at the message on his phone as he stood outside of Star's bedroom, where he had been procrastinating for the past several minutes. They had only been dating for a few weeks since the fall of magic. So far, it had been the time of his life. He and Star had been spending almost all their time together until the wee hours of the morning, and were messaging each other almost obsessively when they were apart. This, however, was one message he had hoped to never get. There were a fairly limited number of outcomes to the words 'we need to talk', and none of them were good. Whatever it was, Marco knew it must be serious. Bracing himself for the worst, Marco finally knocked on Star's door.

The door creaked open slowly to reveal Star, an obviously fake smile plastered across her face. "Hey, uhm... come on in."

"I got your text." Marco reluctantly entered Star's room, cautiously trying to get a read on Star. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeeeeeeeeeeeah, well..." Star gestured toward a chair she had set up across from her bed. "Maybe you better sit down."

At Star's urging, Marco took a seat, already having a terrifyingly clear idea where this was going. "Oh. Oh no. There's another guy isn't there?" Marco had been afraid of this. He had found himself extremely happy in his new relationship with Star, and he thought she felt the same way. But he figured he must have failied to measure up somehow. He could never quite silence the voice in the back of his mind that told him he just wasn't good enough for her. "Are you getting back together with Tom again? Because-"

"No, Marco!" Star bounced onto her bed across from Marco, cutting her boyfriend off before he could scare himself any further. "This is like the exact opposite of that."

"... huh?" Marco raised an eyebrow in confusion, unsure what Star was getting at.

"Okay." Star took a deep breath. She had been rehearsing this for most of the day. But for all her preparation, she still didn't feel ready for the can of worms she was about to open. "You remember that night you went to the school dance with Jackie?"

"Uh." Marco blinked in surprise. Of all the topics he had mentally planned for, this wasn't one of them. "Yeah. Why?"

Star continued after some hesitation, readying herself for the turn their conversation was about to take. "And do you remember when you both wiped out on her skateboard?"

Marco froze at Star's question, tilting his head curiously. "... how do you know about that?" He was almost sure he'd never told her that part of the story. It hadn't exactly been a secret, it just never really came up. He wondered if Jackie might have said something, but waited for Star's explanation.

Star swallowed hard, feeling her stomach tying itself into knots as she willingly dug herself in deeper. "And do you also remember... the All-Seeing Eye spell?"

It didn't take long for Marco to put two and two together. His eyes went wide as he realized what Star was implying. "Star. You didn't..."

"Yeah." She turned her gaze away from Marco, letting out a pained sigh. "I did."

Marco sat in silence, his brain trying to process the revelation. "So even when you were trying to set me up with Jackie, you were actually spying on me. On us." Marco couldn't believe what he was hearing. He was half tempted to pinch himself, thinking he must have been in some bizarre nightmare world. "Star, believe me, I can understand being jealous. You know I've been there. But spying on Jackie and me-"

"It wasn't just you and Jackie. Pretty soon I'm gonna tell her about this too, but it wasn't just when she was around. That night was the first time, but it wasn't the last. Sometimes I watched you even when you were alone. I never spied on you like... in the shower or something. But I saw some things I know nobody was ever supposed to see. Private thoughts and conversations and..." Star trailed off, unsure what more she could say. She didn't want to shame or embarrass Marco with any of the specifics. As Marco stared at her in disbelief, she squirmed with guilt under his gaze, eventually deciding that she had to say something to fill the silence. "Glossaryck always said spying leads to crying. Guess this is what he meant." Star laughed darkly as she recalled the words of her fallen mentor. Even after his death, he had been proven right once again.

"... why are you telling me this? Like, why NOW?" For the life of him, Marco couldn't figure out what had prompted this confession. Just when it seemed they had finally been granted some peace and happiness, it was as though Star had suddenly put a new roadblock in their path.

Star had been asking herself that same question for several days. Even though she didn't quite know WHY she had to come clean, she knew that she needed to. After all, she knew all of Marco's shameful secrets. Maybe she thought it was only fair that he know all of hers. Maybe the guilt had finally just become too much. Or maybe... "Well... next week, we'll have been together for a month. If we're really gonna be a thing, I don't think we can have those kinds of secrets anymore. I don't want there to be anything that would ever come between us. If this is something that would... I guess I think we'd better find out sooner rather than later. You deserve to know that you're getting into."

"What am I supposed to say? I guess it's good that you told me. And like I said, I KINDA get it, but still." Marco had a certain amount of sympathy for Star's difficult position, but she had clearly crossed a line. "Spying on me is pretty messed up. I can't... Star, I don't even know what to do with this one."

Star couldn't help but notice that Marco hadn't asked why. She wondered if he didn't need to. She knew it couldn't have been easy for Marco to watch her from a distance when she was dating Tom, keeping his feelings hidden. She was sure that Marco must have been afraid of losing his best friend, just as she had been. Star was growing increasingly fearful that this might be the day that finally happened. "Does this mean... we're breaking up?

"NO! No. It doesn't mean that. I just need some time to think about this. I can't figure out if I'm supposed to be mad or disappointed or what." Marco couldn't articulate what he was feeling toward Star, even to himself. "I think I'm really just... surprised. I guess I thought I knew what kind of person you are. Maybe I don't know as much as I thought."

Star had expected the confession to lift the burden from her shoulders. Or at least provide some kind of emotional release. But even knowing she had made the right decision in telling Marco, she somehow felt even worse than before. The only thing worse than guilt of knowing what she had done was the shame she felt at Marco's reaction. "Marco... I know I messed up really bad. I did it because I was scared of losing you, but that doesn't make it right. I don't know what else to say except that I'm sorry. If you can't forgive me, then..." Star realized she didn't know how to finish her sentence. If she had been scared of losing Marco back then, now she was outright terrified.

Marco sat with his head buried in his hands, mulling over Star's confession for what felt like an eternity to both of them. With a heavy sigh, he finally spoke, eyes still cast down toward the floor, not looking Star in the eye. "I forgive you. I mean, I can't NOT forgive you. I don't want something like this to be the end of... us. You're still my best friend. More than that. But right now..." Marco rose from his seat, his gaze still turned away from Star. " ...I'm gonna go."

"Marco!" Star shouted after him just as he began to slip out the door. After their discussion, she wasn't sure exactly where they stood. "We're still on for next week, right? One-month-iversary?"

Marco glanced back just long enough to see Star's wistful smile. He remained at the door, searching for a good answer, and ultimately failing to find one. "... I'll see you later, Star."

Star gave no response as Marco slipped out of her room. She held herself together until she was sure he had really left. Star then curled up on her bed, sobbing gently into her pillow.

It hadn't gone as bad as it could have. She knew she had done the right thing. At the very least, they were still together, and Star was sure things would go back to normal sooner or later. Marco had, at least in theory, forgiven her.

And yet she didn't feel forgiven.

Star softly cried herself to sleep, truly separated from her lover for the first time since they had been together, the bitter medicine of truth still lingering on her lips.


End file.
